Does everyone possess a driving force? Is that what defines the echelons? If you possess that force, what drives it? The thing most people do not ever want to look at is the force that is produced from our upbringing. Yup, that simple truth about being like our parents. Then there are those, who, instinctively and intellectually know that that is not what they aspire to. It is clearly easier to emanate a role model than to figure out how not to be like another.
It is often times not until well into adulthood, that we are okay with being like one or both of our parents, usually when they can be seen as adults instead of just parents, or our parents. There is a saying, ‘take what you like and leave the rest’. As an adult we have a better understanding of who we are, what our place is in the world. It is at this time we can see or assess where this came from. It is at this point we learn some valuable lessons. Lessons such at; acceptance and gratitude. With these new lessons, it is possible to see all the strength, traits, and perhaps shortcomings of those before us and decide what it means, and make choices independent of the guiding forces. This is when we find the guiding forces have permeated certain aspects of our being.
The other saying that comes to mind is; “that which you resist, persists”. The traits of our caretakers people are so desperate not to repeat, are where the struggles lie. It would behoove you to address them directly and head on, assessing, what it is about that which is so irksome, and what meaning you assigned to it (our meaning does not often represent truth). After proper assessment, look at how this trait has manifested itself in you. Is the meaning the same? Usually not. This is the ego protection. We then have two choices; acceptance or change – for us, not them.
To find your own individuality, with all the good traits you know to exist, eliminating the traits which do not suit your personality, takes honesty. Honesty of self, maturity in viewing others, and a willingness to practice being your own grown up self. It seems always to come back to communication, which unfortunately has nuances in skill which may have to be learned. Being a grown up is not for the weak. Nor is it for the morose. If you are fighting for your life, the one of individual views and strengths and beliefs you will also need your sense of humor in tact.
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